Note: all of the following is fiction.
The day before the all star game, we had the home run hittingcontest. Because I was leading all of major league baseball in thatcategory, I anchored last the American League contingent. I broughtmy own pitcher with me as well. The first pitch he threw me was upand in and I let it go by. The secret to winning these things is torelax and try to use your normal stroke as much as possible. Thesecond pitch was right down the pipe and I slugged it 500 feet intothe second deck in left at Petco Park and I was off to the races,accumulating 22 homers in a row before I just got under one andflied to deep center. I quit so I wouldn't get arm weary. In thesecond round, I sprayed homers all over the park and even a coupletitanic ones out of it, adding 18 more on the day before I stoppedagain to save my energy. I just tried to stay nice and easy and hitmiddle in strikes. In the final rounds, I went off with 32 bombs towin it going away. Of all the dingers I struck, 20 were 500 feet ormore.
In the actual game itself, I went 2-2 with a 500 foot shot on to theroof of the second deck in left and then a screaming mimi I linedover the centerfield wall with two on before they pulled me to playsome other outfielders. That earned me the MVP.
Of course, when you have an all star game, it is a magnet for whoresand groupies, especially since it was in Southern California. When Ireturned to the hotel from the game, there was this smoking hotlittle Mexican chick making eyes at me in the lobby.
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I walked up toher and asked if she wanted to go to bed. She consented to it and wewent up to my room, where we both shed our clothes. I had her standthere so I could examine her body. She was a little firecracker!5'2", skinny with b cups, cute little bush, dark brown skin,semilong dark brown hair, maybe just the slightest hint ofaboriginal Mexican in her looks. "Oh my God, that thing is huge!"she blurted upon seeing the bell clapper dangling between my legs. "Don't worry mi hija, it's going to be a while before you're goingto have to deal with it being inside you. " She giggled at the sillybravado of me saying such a thing.
I picked her up since she couldn't be more than about 95 pounds andturned her upside down. I held her tightly in my arms with her pussyin my face while she squealed and laughed. I began licking andsucking her clit as I felt her tongue darting against my erect dick. I did this in a standing position for about five minutes before Islowly sat down on the edge of the bed and then reclined so that wewere in a 69 position. I'm sure more men have been buried in herpussy than at Arlington National Cemetery, but I didn't care. Herpussy smelled clean and she was soon getting worked up as my tonguedoggedly attacked her love nubbin. I was now feeling her littlemouth stretched over my schlong and moving up and down it as shemoaned for her own pleasure. She huffed and puffed on my rod whilemy mouth worked her clit over.
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Lengthy sucking on it elicited anexplosive orgasm from her, her screams of ecstasy muffled by whatshe had in her yapper. She and I kept on sucking on each other andshe went off over and over until I plastered her piehole with mycum, the intense pulses expelling ropey strands of it. "Swallow it!"I demanded. I rolled her over and pinned her arms to the bed as sheheld it in her mouth. "Come on babe, show me how much you love me!"I teased. She turned her head to one side and spat it out, the fluidmaking a long slimy line as it dripped down the side of a pillow.
"That's really rude," I kidded and rolled her over to give her acouple playful slaps on the ass. "What a naughty girl!" I rotatedher body so she was on her back again. "Fuck, you have amazinglybeautiful eyes," I observed, doing all I could to not get absorbedby her very dark pupils. I leaned over and kissed her heatedly,again not paying any heed to how many dicks might have been in itbefore me. I ran my fingers lightly up and down her sides to tickleher, provoking a very bright and delightful smile from her. Ireturned to kissing her passionately, only this time lightly playingwith her cute little boobs that were topped with tiny dark chocolatenipples. I just had to get my mouth on them and so I slid down a bitto get in a comfortable position and sucked on her left one like itwas a Hershey's kiss, which inspired her to moan seductively. Idropped my rigthhand to her pussy and she was dripping wet. I gentlyrubbed her clit while I enjoyed suckling her milk ducts.
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I was already hard by then, so I laid down and told her to impaleherself on my flesh pike. Her skinny legs flexed downward to obey mycommand and soon my penis was inside her dusky snatch. I sat up,wrapped her in my arms, turned my body toward the left edge of thebed, planted my feet on the floor and stood up, she holding on to myneck tightly. I put her up against the wall and cupped my handsunder her ass and began thrusting up into her. "Oh fuck, oh my God,you're going to split me open!" she squealed as I rhythmicallypistoned my flesh spear in and out of her, her back colliding softlywith the wall with each instroke. Her legs were tightly twistedaround my hips as I invaded her over and over. Soon, she wasorgasming into my right ear. "Oh shit, God yes, oh yes, fuck mepapi!" she panted. I continued pleasurably penetrating her foranother ten minutes and she was well into her second orgasm. Ishifted my grip on her body and set her gently on the edge of thebed, from where I seriously commenced ramming my weapon into herwith force and intensity. 'Oh shit, oh shit, God papi, fuck!" sheexalted as her body quivered with a steady series of climaxes untilI painted her pussy white with my ball batter.
She left nail marksall over my back and shoulders, the subconscious indicators of howgood she was feeling while I plowed her for my own pleasure.
I have to admit that I was a little crazy for her. I picked up theacoustic guitar I always carried with me on the road and played hera little set of ZZ Top songs. Looking at that beautiful littlechiquita while I did this made me get an extension again So Ijumped on top of her, inserted my pistol into its target and went totown on her for the next hour, she enjoying the high sheexperieinced from the frequent climaxes I gave her while I kissedher, bit her neck playfully and whispered dirty words into her leftear.
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When she finally left, she walked like she was bowlegged sinceI had fucked her until we were both sore. I'm also sure she thoughtthat she had hit the procreative jackpot since her gully had seen somuch fluid flow into it. Her hopes of a lucrative pregnancy, if shehad them, though, would prove unrequited.
When the regular season schedule resumed the next day with usbeginning a series with Anaheim, I homered to left to kick thecontest off and did that for each of the next four games, too andbelted ten homers total for the week. I connected for 21 homers forthe month of August and only six in September because I was beingwalked so much. I finished the season with the highest postwarbatting average, 412 and took the Triple Crown as well as the OBP,steals, walks slugging, OPS and runs scored titles. We squeaked intothe playoffs, where our pitching got us through the ALDS since theWhite Sox strategy was to walk me every time we had men on base andto pitch to me with nobody on only when necessary. The games weretedious only because they would walk me and then hold the ball, holdthe ball, throw over, hold the ball, throw over, throw over and thenusually pitch out once each at bat. Aesthetically, this was fuckinghorrible to watch if you were a baseball fan. This also plays havocwith a pitcher's rhythm to the plate and resulted in the pale hosemoundsmen going into a lot of deep counts. This gave our hittersenough of a chance to see hittable fastballs to generate a number ofruns sufficient to take the series.
Now we were going to play Tampa Bay for the American League pennant. In the press beforehand, I challenged the manhood of the Rayspitching staff and their manager, asking rhetorically if they wereas balless as the White Sox were. "Dudes, if you can't make a pitchthen please go back home and raise turnips so that fans don't haveto see the same kind of tedious ugliness that was evident in theChicago series," I said. "If any of their pitchers have any doubtabout my manhood, see the Oakland game," I said ominously.
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The ALCS began in that shitty Tampa ballpark. I suggested to thepress in the run up to game one that their ownership should sell theteam to someone who was willing to build an actual stadium fanswould ENJOY coming to and that wasn't such an eyesore. The entiretyof those remarks got me decked by a fastball on the first pitch ofthe series. I walked halfway out to the mound pointing at the Raysstarting pitcher. "Hey you fuckin' sissy, if you can't competewithout endangering people's lives then you put your dress back onand fuck off back to Sissyville. You're going to get your catcherkilled doing this shit, you understand me?" The umpire warned bothbenches, which really set me off. "So they get a fuckin' freebie?
When we returned to the plate after the plate umpire pushed us back,I said to the catcher, "hey dickhead, you remember what I did toSuzuki? Well, you're next, When we clinch this thing, I'm going torip your head off," I promised him. "Dude, what did I do?' "Oh fuckyou! You knew that pitch was coming. If you're going to try to killme or hospitalize me somebody has to pay," I said. The umpire calledtime out. " "Listen you guys, stop this shit now or both of you areout of here, do you understand me?" The catcher jumped in theumpire's face saying it was all from my end. That was enough for thearbiter, who tossed the backstop. That brought Rays skipper JoeMaddon out to defend his receiver. "Hey Joe, your pitcher is afucking pussy," I said. "And so are you.
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Why don't you take thatjoke of a baseball team to that little pussy town in Pennsylvaniayou're from and let us fight it out with a team that can man up. "That caused him to lose his cool and get in my face, which got himrun. When play finally resumed, I yelled out to the pitcher, "okaylittle girl, time to play man ball or go home. So get a pitcher upthere that actually has a dick," I needled. He ran a ball in on meand that got him ejected. "Still playing sissyball, huh?" I laughed. He charged me and I avoided his pathetic excuse for a punch easily. That emptied both benches. The Rays had this big 6'7" 260 poundfirst baseman who came at me. I went inside his punch decked him,supplementing that by kicking him in the balls on his way down tothe ground. The usual pushing and shoving ensued, which didn't cometo much. A lot of the Rays players barked at me but didn't do shit.
The umpire kicked me out for being an instigator. "Listen asshole,first, I have a right to defend myself. A guy throws at my head andyou're backing him up?" "Oh, fuck you, I'm not backing him up.
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Butyou can't foment fights. " "Wait, they weren't fomenting a fight bythrowing at me? What land of land of delusion are YOU from?" He hadno answer for that. "Then three of those motherfuckers charge me andyou toss ME? What, is there some rule now that I'm not allowed tdefend myself from people who want to hurt me? Dude, if Iaccidentally spit on you I would get suspended. Their first basemantries to take my head off and I punch him out in self defense andyou run me? You still haven't ejected him officially, either. What,do you have a bet on this game or something? Or did you go toSquirrelville Umpiring College? What kind of shit is this?" Mymanager was in there, too, angrily inquiring why the umpire seemedto be favoring the Rays in all this. "I'm not favoring anybody youassholes. " "Listen, dude, he threw at my HEAD! You understand that?You understand what happens if he does that on the street? That's afucking felony! What, you think it's okay as long as it's done in abaseball game?" I reasoned. "Look asshole, I'm going to ask thatthis umpiring crew be pulled from this series because it's prettyobvious you're favoring them," my skipper insisted. The "asshole"was the magic word that got my boss kicked out. He lost it, callingthe ump every name in the book and his face and neck turning as redas a fire truck.
While all this is occurring, the crowd, and it wasn't even a fullhouse, was getting restless and more irritable.
My manager notifiedthe umpire that the game was being played under protest for notallowing his players to defend themselves. Our bench coach joinedthe argument. "Listen, dude, you made a mistake running me. Now youcan rectify it by reinstating me into the game or you're going tolook like the king jackass of all time to baseball fans," Iinsinuated.
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"No, you're staying ejected. I can't repeal anejection," he pleaded. 'Okay, I tell you what, "I said. "If you keepme ejected I'm going to go look for their starter and we're going tosettle this ourselves, which means he will be leaving the ballparkon a gurney if not a body bag. He's not going to just need a policeescort out of here, he'll need the fucking Marines," I said, in avery vicious way. I stomped off and headed toward the Rays dugout. 'Come on girlies, any of you want to fight? You're all big throwingbaseballs at people, now let's see how you are one on one," I said. They all froze and I went right past them and into their clubhouse,finding the pitcher who threw at me. He took off running. I caughthim in the hallway, unloaded a couple of vicious combinations intohis face, knocking him out, and walking back to my side of the fieldand into our dugout. The Fox television cameras got the shortconfrontation on video they played it over and over again. 'Well,here we are, half an hour into the game and only two pitches havebeen thrown," Joe Buck obviously remarked. "But how many puncheshave been thrown is anybody's guess," he added. It was laterrevealed that the pitcher suffered a busted jaw and a concussion.
The Rays were rattled and lost the game 4-0.
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During game two, bothsides were warned beforehand that any pitch even close to the headwould result in immediate ejection. So the first pitch to me was afastball away but belt high and I lined it into the rightfield seatsfor a 1-0 lead. My next time up, we had a man on, so they walked me. I reached into my uniform pants and pulled out a pink skirt andshowed it to everybody in the crowd. "Here you left this at yourmom's house last night," I said, wadding it up and throwing it atthe pitcher. Of course, he had to come in and have his say. 'Come onyou sissy, throw it over the plate girlyman!" I shouted at him as Iwent to first. That upset his concentration just enough that hegrooved one to Franky, who parked it in the leftfield stands for a4-0 advantage.
My third time up was with the bags juiced. The starter, who wascoming out anyway, hit me in the shoulder and was ejected. I hadanother RBI and it became 5-2. It turned out that they were going towalk me (better to risk one run than four) , so he decided to nailme as his goodbye. We scored two more on a sac fly and an RBI singleby Ichiro and were now in front 7-2. My last time up, the pitcherthrew at my head, so I kicked their catcher in the ribs, breakingthem. Of course, both the pitcher and me were ejected as well as theRays manager.
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We won 7-3. I called my local congressman to warnCommissioner Selig to be light with the discipline stick or else. During the two off days, though, I was suspended for the rest of theALCS, but so was Maddon. I protested the suspension as not allowingme to defend myself against the Rays thuggery. Our congressionalcontingent filed written protests, but those things are alwaysineffectual. By filing my protest, though, I was able to forestallwhen I would actually have to serve it. I also made the case thatMaddon could still call the shots via cellphone to his bench coach,who would serve as his interim manager and thus had an effect on thegames while I couldn't if I observed the punishment. Therefore, thecommissioner's ruling favored the Rays. Not wanting to being biasedin favor of either side, he rescinded the suspensions pending areview later in the year. Typical chickenshit Selig, kicking the candown the road. He created this, just as he helped create the drugcrisis back in the 1980's and 1990's, by failing to take the problemhead on when it first surfaced. Band aids never get the job done.
So there I was in centerfield for game three, which was at home. Their starter gave me four straight balls and I walked. Again withthe stepping off and the repeated throw overs.
Eventually, he wentto that well too many times and flung the ball down the rightfieldline and I motored to third. Franky squeezed and it was 1-0. Ichirohomered to put it at 2-0. A walk, a single another walk and a doubleinto the corner got us two more A sacrifice fly plated another runand the runner at second made it to third. Now I was up again I gotdrilled in the ribs. The umpire wouldn't eject the pitcher. "Listen,dude, you either eject him or I'm going to put my foot in thecatcher's face. Your call. " The catcher started to run away becausethe Rays were down to their last one since they were only carryingtwo unless they wanted to see one of their utility infieldersplaying the position. I laughed and jogged off to first base. Meanwhile, my skipper asked why the pitcher wasn't making an exit. Iyelled to their shortstop and second baseman that if they try tospike me I would explode their facial muscles. I stole secondwithout a throw and nothing happened. Franky walked and that broughtup Ichiro, who tagged one into the leftfield corner for a basesclearing double and that would be the ballgame, as we took iteasily.
In game four, I homered on the first pitch, a hanging slider, for a1-0 lead.
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They had to face Felix Hernandez, not an easy task. Meanwhile, we got lucky in the same half of the inning. Frankywalked and Ichiro beat out a slow bouncer toward short. Justin Smoakblooped one into left to load the bases. Jesus Montero then gotjammed and muscled it into center for two runs. Two outs later, ournumber eight hitter conked a hot smash to third that Evan Longoriacould only knock down for a run scoring infield single. Our ninehitter, Chone Figgins, walked. They had a reliever come in to faceme and he threw a two seamer that was up and out over the plate. Ijust about hit it out of the stadium, a monster three run jack thatlanded in the second deck only two rows from ending up in the streetbehind the stadium, to put it at 7-0. Felix was Felix and we cartedoff a 18-1 triumph for the Mariners' first trip to the World Series.
Now depending on which columnist you want to believe, I eitherwilled that team into the series with my hardnosed play or I was amonster who shouldn't be permitted to step on an MLB diamond again. Ichiro was named MVP of the ALCS, which I felt he deserved.
Our offense didn't do much in the World Series, aside from me. Ihomered five times and drove in nine runs, but our pitching managedto make the sparse number of runs we got for them work for a fourgame sweep and I received the MVP.
During the postseason, I won the Rookie of the Year, the MVP, a GoldGlove and a Silver Slugger.
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But the best was getting Seattle thatfirst ring. .
