It was a short ad that I placed on Facebook and went like this:
Looking for Man/Woman/Teen that knows about holes!
It’s dirty work but rewarding/I will supervise!
Must live close by/message me for more details!
I had posted my ad on a Friday night and within ten minutes someone had messaged me.
The chat went like this:
Tom – hey there, you need holes dug or filled?
Me(Mike) – Filled!
Tom – how many holes?
Mike – 3, but only one at a time!
Tom – how big are these holes?
Mike – they range in size!
Tom – how long will it take to fill one of these holes?
Mike – depends on you, the slower you fill it, the longing it will take.
Tom – when do you want this holes filled?
Mike – tonight if you can!
Tom – do I need to bring any tools?
Mike – no, just yourself!
Tom – what’s our address?
Mike – 25 Maple St.
Tom – ok, and where are these holes, inside or outside?
Mike – inside my house tonight!
Tom- oh, ok, I live on the south side of town, I could be there in about an hour, is that good?
Mike – yes, that would be great!
Tom – cool, see you soon!
Mike – ok, see you then
… and the chat ended.
Just then another chat window popped up on my screen
Mary – hi there, I can help you with them holes!
Mike – hello, cool, but I have a guy coming in about an hour to fill one of them, there are 3 holes, you could fill one of the other ones if you like.
Mary –sure, if that would help to get the job done faster, what’s your addy?
Mike – 25 Maple St.
and it would
Mary – already, I could be there soon, I live about 45 minutes away from you, see you then.
Mike – cool, see you soon.
… and that chat ended.
Another message window popped up!
Jim – howdy, I’m good with fixing holes, you still need help?
Mike – hi, I have two people coming to help tonight, but could use your help too.
Jim – cool, address please!
Mike – 25 Maple St.
Jim – be there in 30 minutes, ok?
Mike – k, see you then.
…. And then I logged out of Facebook.
‘They will all be here soon baby, get ready’, I was getting excited,’ your holes will be filled’.
‘You know, these holes have waited along time to be filled at the same time’, Pam was very excited, like a kid in a candy store.
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Time moved forward, the hole fillers had arrived, each one was handed a card as they entered.
Tom’s card:
Do not repeat what you are about to read on this card to the other two people standing beside you, if you do, you will not be filling a hole and will be asked to leave. The holes are in my bedroom, on the bed. Enter the room. There will be no talking, I am deaf and so are the holes. If at this point in your reading this you wish to leave, please do, but if you choose to stay, you will enjoy filling a hole I promise. Now enter the bedroom and wait. Good luck!
Jim’s card was the same as Tom’s!
Mary’s card:
Do not repeat what you are about to read on this card to the other two people standing beside you, if you do, you will not be filling a hole and will be asked to leave. The holes are in my bedroom, on the bed. There is a special tool close to the bed to help you. Enter the room. There will be no talking, I am deaf and so are the holes. If at this point in your reading this you wish to leave, please do, but if you choose to stay, you will enjoy filling a hole I promise. Now enter the bedroom and wait. Good luck!
Tom was the first to enter the room, followed closely behind by Jim and Mary, it was dark.
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I was the last to enter, I handed each a cell phone then sat down in my chair and waited.
The phone said:
‘Thank you for choosing not to leave, you will not be disappointed.
Do not use the light from this phone to see around the room or the other two that are beside you. Please remove all clothing, yes all please and stand and wait for further instructions’. Text back ‘yes’ if you understand!
The message was the same on the 3 cell phones!
I got 3 yeses!
Let the hole filling begin!
I texted Tom:
‘You can fill a hole of your choosing Tom, the top one or one of the ones at the bottom. Text back which one you would like to fill in a one word answer please.
Tom texted back:
‘Top’.
I texted Jim:
‘Tom has picked the top hole which leaves two holes remaining, please chose, front or back one. Text back which one you would like to fill in a one word answer please.
‘Back’.
I texted Mary:
‘Tom pick top hole, Jim took back hole, and the last hole is the front, my favorite, if you want to continue please type back ‘yes’.
‘Yes’ she typed.
A light shone onto the holes!
Another light shone on the special tool Mary was to use.
I texted Mary:
‘Please put on’.
I texted all 3 on them!
‘Now is the time to fill the holes, enjoy and go for it’.
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Tom moved towards his hole, his tool in hand and put it in. The hole wrapped around his tool, it was hot and wet, Tom liked his hole.
Jim got under his hole; he had to lube his tool on the front hole. Slowly his tool entered, it was a tight fit.
Mary put on her tool, moved towards the front hole, put it in, it also was hot and wet.
All holes were now plugged and the fillers were loving it. All 3 of them moved there tool in and out.
Tom’s tool was the first to reach its goal, his filler, filled a lot of the hole. He was done, the hole swallowed his hole filler.
Jim’s tool was working hard at the back hole, his filler emptied its fill deep into the hole, he was done.
Mary’s tool had some fill in it, my fill, deep inside the front hole, my fill was released, filling the hole, she was done.
I texted the 3 holefillers:
‘Put your clothes back on and thank you, you filled your hole, great job, on your my out the front door you will find an envelope with your name on it. In it you will find five thousand dollars. Please take it and leave phone in its place. No talking to other hole fillers as you leave my house.
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I need them holes filled, same time next week. Thank you for your service. Good night’.
The 3 hole fillers got dressed and left.
I turned the light, the ceiling light on and texted:
‘Are your holes filled to your satisfaction baby’?
‘Yes my love, but will have to be refilled next week’.
The top hole had some filler around it. The front and back holes were leaking a lot of its filler.
‘They will be back filling your holes sweetheart, I promise’.
‘Good, you now need a hole filled, the one you been sitting on’.
With Mary’s tool, Pam filled my hole.
The end, butt….
.
